Too Good to Be True

by Sadie

Somehow, I’m always searching for pain. I’m hooked on it.

I’m looking for someone to uncover the layers of pain inside me, like a teacher who will guide me through it. 

But not gently, no.

The teacher is meant to hurt me, so that another layer of pain will go off.

Then I deal with it and get better but there is still more pain and hurt that I need to uncover so I get hurt again.

I can’t accept the good that is offered to me before I haven’t acknowledged all of the pain and am really ready to let it go.

I think I loved him because he was able to hurt me and I needed to heal myself.

He was my teacher.

I was so used to the drama and was always looking for answers to my past hurts, trying to make up for them in order to get what I needed back then but didn’t receive.

Holding on to the pain means there is more work to do.

I’m looking for those who can release me from the pain, even if that means I have to relive it so that I can move on. 

In the end, I’m only hurting myself.

Pain is familiar, so I go back to it every time.

It’s like playing with fire, always chasing that one particular feeling I once had.

The good is just a dream – too good to be true.