In 12 days I’ll be going on holidays in Istanbul, Turkey. For almost three weeks.
The last time I’ve been there was almost eight months ago, after I finished my exchange programme as a student.
I’m really excited already and can’t wait to see all the familiar faces and places again.
Still, there is one particular face that troubles me a bit. That of my ex. I met him there on my very first day abroad and somehow, I can’t even think about the city and him apart from each other.
Whenever I think about Istanbul, I also think about him, and whenever he’s on my mind for whatever reason, I think of my time there too.
Frankly, it’s a little nerve-wrecking because I have no idea what will happen. We haven’t been in touch, but I talked to a friend of him a couple of times and he knows that I’ll visit soon. So maybe my ex will be in the picture too. Who knows.
I’m scared that I could break out in tears in front of them or be back at square one because I haven’t come to terms with all of the old issues yet.
What matters though is that I want to look at this journey as a chance. It’s a chance to come clean with the past and see where I’m standing now, after I’ve had time to process things and heal from my heartbreak.
I imagine that this experience is like a circle and when that circle closes, I won’t have to look back anymore. It’ll all make perfect sense then, I’ll have learned all my lessons and can let it all go. Like making peace with it.
Sometimes, when we’re in the thick of something, it’s hard to focus because everything seems to be upside down. Utter confusion. But if we let time just do its job and we put things back into perspective, it’ll all be easy.
I’m glad that I had this experience. Sure, it was a struggle and really ugly at times, but I wouldn’t be where I am or know what I know now, if it hadn’t happened.
And even if I see my ex there, I know that it’ll be fine.