A Little Recap

by Sadie

I haven’t really updated what’s been going on in my life over the last few weeks, so here’s a little review on my progress, that I wrote in my journal a few days ago. 

What I’ve come to realise while browsing through my journal entries and trying to figure out when I wrote what (I should note the dates from now on), is that I’ve made huge progress. I mean not just a little bit, but HUGE progress. I guess it’s to do with the fact that I’ve been really busy over the last few weeks because uni started and I’ve been working with the new company twice a week now, for about 3 or 4 weeks already (how quickly time passes!).

I’ve developed more of a daily routine, I got used to life in Germany again, without even noticing it consciously, and I’m feeling more settled.

I still don’t know where the journey is going, but I’ve had new ideas, like not doing the master’s degree right away starting next year, but instead taking a longer break and applying for a voluntary project in another country (preferably in the cultural sector).

 

This will also give me more time to actually LIVE, to have new experiences, which will give me more ideas of what to write about, and also more opportunities to practice my writing. And then I could really join a creative writing programme, if it’s still what I want to do then. Maybe my plans will change, as has happened a lot of times in the past few years.

It all makes more sense now. Maybe there really is no such thing as coincidence but everything that happens is meant to guide you in a certain direction and make you learn new things and important lessons.

I’ve noticed this with the new job, for instance, where I am learning so many good things about basically everything.

What if I had never had the courage to just jump, to escape from the situation in Istanbul with K., where I felt totally stuck. It was pretty scary of course, feeling so free and at the same time seeing the huge abyss underneath you. I could have fallen at every moment, but I didn’t. I tripped a few times, I got up again, and now it’s just unlikely to trip as much anymore. Of course things can still go mighty wrong, but even then I’ll find a way to figure it out.

When I was in Bremen (where I used to live before my time abroad) yesterday I came to realise something while talking to one of my new teachers in creative writing. Your expectations are always bigger than what can possibly be there in reality.

Happened to me with Hamburg. I thought it would be the perfect place to start over, and Bremen would be utterly boring in comparison, but of course this is not true. Hamburg has good and bad sides and living in a place is not like visiting it. I have a more balanced view now I hope, and even if I look at Bremen in a more romantic light now, where everything is much more peaceful and people are nicer (maybe that had to do with the beautiful Autumn weather that makes everything shine and appear more lovely than usual), I know this is because I’m not living there permanently anymore. It’s only nostalgia.

I was really happy though and I looked at my life in a much more positive way. Yes, it seems to be working out for me. Bit by bit and piece by piece, I’m putting the puzzle back together. And I can already see that this puzzle is like a new-born baby, beautiful and healthy and bringing joy.

September was a little rough, October has been more gentle, so let’s see what November will bring…

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