Over the last two months or so I’ve been keeping a journal to help me gain more clarity about what I’m feeling, for what reasons and how I can learn to cope better with my constant ups and downs in the future. I’ll share some excerpts here on the blog (´Beginnings`was the first entry of my journal https://upandrunawayblog.wordpress.com/2013/08/29/beginnings/).
It’s funny how flexible feelings are.
One minute you feel like crying out of nowhere and the next you’re calm and happy with the way things are.
When I woke up this morning I hardly felt like getting out of bed and so, instead, I slept in until 2:30 pm. That’s almost a new record for me. (Not counting any of those dreadful hangover days of course).
The day started with being woken up numerous times, first by my flatmate and her sister, after that by my former manager and lastly by a recurring feeling of longing for that special person in my life that I am actually trying to forget. I thought I’d done a pretty good job so far, but somehow my mind fooled me again this morning.
Anyways, I think I’ve read somewhere that you shouldn’t supress the feelings you have, no matter if it’s anger, fear or something else that makes you uncomfortable, but instead just let them be and work with them.
That’s why I allowed myself to miss that person again and I think it wasn’t even such a bad idea. By going back to nice memories and feelings I once shared with this person but at the same time acknowledging that it’s all a thing of the past and not meant to come back to me in this form, I feel that I am more at peace with myself and my feelings.
I noticed this when a friend, who seemed extremely stressed by his work and other responsibilities all showing up at once in his life, and also my less-than-in-a-good-mood flatmate came by.
I knew exactly where they were coming from, as it’s normal to experience these emotions from time to time. But instead of letting myself be dragged down I could keep up my level of relaxation and calmness.
Maybe my 30-day Yoga challenge is starting to work? Or maybe I’ve come to a point where it’s easier for me to accept the things that are going on in my life.
I once wrote down in a random note to myself Keep what is good for you, let go what is bad for you. Seems like I can finally respond to this mantra.
What counts for me right now is to keep this newfound relaxed attitude and focus on what is good for me. I know I can’t control the future, but at least I can approach my past in a different and more accepting way and thus enjoy the present moment.
I feel that there is a peace and understanding inside myself, like never before.
I finally woke up.