by Sadie

Today I felt a sudden urge to start writing something. I wasn’t quite sure what or for what purpose, but I just felt like it was necessary.

While browsing through a list of Master’s degrees in Scotland, a Creative Writing programme caught my eye. I’ve wanted to take a class in creative writing for a while already, early on since I started studying in university. But somehow there was always something that got in the way. A lack of time, motivation or interest at that specific moment. But this time should be different, I thought. This time I will do it for myself.

The past year has been extremely important and basically life-changing for me.

I decided to go on an exchange programme to Istanbul in Turkey. When I first thought about the places I would like to go to and the things I wanted to do during my time abroad, I would never have expected any of the things to happen that actually happened to me here.

Long story short, instead of having an incredible, free and fun time I found myself heartbroken, confused and overwhelmed by emotions that I have never felt before in such an intensity.

However, I also call it an extremely important time in my life because I feel like I’ve never grown that much and come to understand so many things about life as I have in this year.

So now I’m sitting here, with a future in front of me that has never appeared so frightening before. And never so exciting.

I’m feeling inspired by so many things around me recently and I am grateful for all the opportunities that I have, but I also feel pressured to make decisions that I am not ready for yet. There are a lot of ideas and dreams in my head, that’s not the point. Just getting started and staying focused is something that I have never been very good at.

I read a lot about heartbreak in the past few months and I can finally say that the positive outcomes of my own personal heartache outweigh the negative ones. That must be one of the greates lessons I have learned so far, even if you think it won’t get better, at some point it will. If you really want it. And maybe it had to happen to shake you awake and make you see clearly where you stand right now and where you actually want to be.

Anyways, the reason for writing this I guess was just to get started, sharing my thoughts and feelings, to make them more meaningful for myself so that I don’t forget them too easily.